A letter to my father

Dad.  That’s a word I don’t feel like I have ever been able to understand.  Just like the word Man.  I’ve never been able to understand the true essence of that word  either.  Because when I was 3 you took that opportunity away from me.

I have no memories of before you left, whether that is because I have blocked them out in order not to feel the pain I don’t know.  I wonder what that 3 year old girl felt wondering when her Dad was going to come back.


I see that little girl standing at a door feeling confused.

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The line in the sand

He dared me to be a lady;
challenged me to a duel of minds,
and charmed me with his laughter,
then in the sand he drew a line.

He said, ‘Do not cross over here
until you find my heart.’
So I pondered how to win him,
with no clue where to start.

I dared not attempt to woo him
with vain flirtatious charms;
he cared not for the shallow love
found in a wanton’s arms.
I could not buy his love,
for he disdained the lure of money;
choosing instead a life in nature,
sweetened with milk and honey.
I had no power or place to offer
in the world of noted names,
and so could not call him to me
with promise of renown or fame.
So with great trepidation of spirit
I offered to set him free.
He said, ‘That’s all I require.’,
then wrapped his life around me.

Crossfit and Me

Yes I will openly admit it.  I am one of those crossfit nerds.  I said it.  It’s out there.

I have done every excercise DVD, gym, boot camp class and sport imaginable under the sun.  Excercise is one thing I am very commited to, what form it comes in though is often varying and hard to maintain.

I started my crossfit journey in January 2015.  Wandering past a gym I popped in and trialled a class, signing up on the spot and never looked back.

What I love about Crossfit is that it is every changing.  No two days are ever the same, no two wods are ever the same and no two excercises are ever the same.  It is simply you against yourself and just trying to be better than you were yesterday.


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10 things I give thanks to today

Really feel like I need to start giving more gratitude lately.  Ive been told I go to the negative often, perhaps I do.  I wouldn’t say I am a negative person though I think I more look to the negative to see how I can fix it.  Or perhaps I do look to the negative to use it as an excuse?  Something to think about.  Today I give thanks and praise. Jah.

Being financially comfortable and open to the pathway of successful finances.

Happiness in laughs with M.

Happiness in laughs with my funniest funniest workmate K.

A good job with flexibility.

An inspiring, challenging and deep thinker of a daughter.

Good kai.

My crossfit life and the ability to push my body to limits.

A wonderful mother who is always giving.

A wonderful friend in N.

The ability to be completely intune with my body.



Crossing over

I’ve struggled with spirituality for a really long time now.  My family is not religious and this is mainly down to traumatic experiences my parents had growing up in the catholic church.  God was never a hot topic in our household.  However just because you are not religious does not mean you can’t connect to another realm outside of the physical.

I have had many experiences in my life where I feel like someone is watching me, I feel like spirits are with me, I feel as though my instincts truley guide me and I feel a connection to some other world.  I have had random strangers approach me advising me I have the ability to ‘cross over’.  This has weighed on me often over my lifetime.

Recently I have wound up back in the same spot again with a broken heart. Once again feeling lost, hopeless, worthless and a little like my life is never going to go anywhere but here where I am RIGHT NOW.  It can be very depressing and I struggle to get out of bed and do anything during moments like this.

I went on a search over the weekend for some guidance and landed at a mind and spirit expo which was enlightening to say the least.

I had 3 seperate experiences with 3 seperate mediums and all of them gave invaluable information.  I feel as though I need to record these here because as the hours tick, the memories of what these gurus said to me is slipping away.

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Whats my why??

Lately I’ve been questioning where my life is going.  What am I doing this for? Do I enjoy what I’m doing? Is this as good as its really going to get?

When I was a youth I had so many visions and dreams of what I wanted to be.  They varied and ranged and chopped and changed monthly.  One moment I wanted to be an artist and live at the beach, even racked up a 10K student loan on an art course that I dropped out of a month into.  A dancer, that was a big one in my imagination. Key word “imagination”.  A lawyer, a film producer, a make up artist, a stylist, a clothes designer, a social worker, a writer (that one is still a big one)…………honestly the list went on and on and on.  And still at 37 I feel a bit lost.


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